Since welcoming Mom, my life has taken a 180 degree shift. I've stepped down from my administrative position at my school to return to the classroom. No more summer school, weekend, and evening commitments for me, thank God! While I'm still running like crazy at times, I'm doing what I love and I love what I'm doing. In these tough economic times, I feel blessed to have the opportunities that I have as again, I know that I'm contributing in a positive way to the lives of young people.
But when it comes to my home life, I have not found the balance that I need as a caregiver. Fortunately Mom is with a certified care provider that she pays for every week day while I'm away at work. I drive home every day during lunch to administer her insulin and check on her. Each early evening at the end of my workday as I approach the back door of my home, I know my day will now be dedicated to my mom, even if I have school-work that needs to be addressed for the following day. Mom has shared that she doesn't like being alone, and I can tell by her demeanor and body language that sitting in a room by herself is uncomfortable and perhaps, stressful. She is happiest when she's sitting in her recliner in the living room with her coffee and cigarette (we've switched to the new electronic cigs since she's moved it - they're great!) by her side and her caregiver there as well, enjoying a television program or having a conversation as the TV plays in the background. She also thinks having her own room is a "wow" moment, and enjoys sitting or lying in bed, TV on, with her caregiver in the stuffed chair by her side. So where does this leave me? My work table in my art studio is now a "catch-all" and the days of reading my book of the month in my comfy bed are currently put on hold. I know, it's the role that I've assumed for the time being, but I need to find my balance between engaging in the stuff that makes me happy and fills me up spiritually as well as the stuff that mom needs to do the same. Frankly, I'm not there yet. I haven't regularly worked out since August and I haven't produced any art either. My thoughts of taking on-line classes have frittered away as well because I just don't know how to focus on other projects while attending to mom's needs. I know, I know, I need to find support, but finding the time to do that is taxing, too.
So, where do I go in my heart and soul to keep the positive vibes flowing and brightness in my attitude? I focus on the blessings that mom's presence brings to my life. Since she's arrived my use of my native Hochunk language has increased two-fold. We're talking about relatives and family stories that I'm noting in a journal that sits on the coffee table in the living room. When she's the most lucid, her memories of my dad, siblings, and relatives come flooding out, and I attempt to make sense of different periods of history in her life that I never understood. My hubby installed a walk-in tub for my mom and her use of this wonderful invention continues to increase every week. Although it's rough getting her to agree to a bath, once she's surrounded by the warmth of the water and sensations of getting her body scrubbed, out come the stories of past Saturday nights, as bath time to her brings back the memories of preparing for her nights out and about, back in the day. The photo above is mom in her early 20's - I can just imagine mom and my dad cruising around in dad's Packard convertible on a Saturday night!
This week I've got to make the time to find someone to help me to keep myself happy and healthy, physically and mentally. A couple of afternoons and 1/2 a day on the weekend should do it -- now if I could just find that person!!
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